What does Year of the Monkey mean for you (and Donald Trump)?

It’s the Chinese Year of the Monkey, which comes round every 12 years. There’s no better time to get onboard with Chinese Astrology, using the clues to predict and plan your 2016 (if you don’t already take your cues from our Boxes of Fortune). Here’s what’s coming up…

Monkey years: 

The Year of the Monkey is one of the unluckiest in the Chinese calendar. Things change quickly, and it’s difficult to make a load of money this year.  There’s predictions that the global economy will go tits up, and it’s going to be bad news for those born in 1982, the year of the dog. Luckily, this bad luck can be offset by eating loads of red apples.  It’s also going to be a bad year for Donald Trump, so it’s not all doom and gloom (don’t tell him about the red apples hack).

Those born in the Year of the Monkey:

Planning on buying a Mum and Baby gift box this year? This is what that baby is undoubtably going to end up like, 100%, for sure.

Characteristics: They’re like monkeys. Monkeys who are sociable and adaptable and lucky, smart, versatile and lively. They are all like little baby monkeys, basically.

Famous monkeys in history:

Julius Caesar, Charles Dickins, Elizabeth Taylor, Mick Jagger, Miley Cyrus, Abu

year of the monkey

Celebrity lookalike baby monkeys:

rocky monkey

stone roses monkey

nicole monkey

 

The amount of money that you might have if you referenced having “a monkey” in your wallet because you had recently watched Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels:

£500

The most unfortunate monkey in history:

tumblr_m6i3fmtubD1ra6hngo1_1280

 

How to make a dirty monkey cocktail:

  • Fill a blender with 1 cup of ice per serving, but no more than three-quarters full
  • Measure and pour 1 ounce of coffee liqueur, 1 ounce of dark rum, 2 ounces of milk, and 1 ounce of simple syrup in the blender for each serving.
  • Peel and cut a banana into 1-inch chunks. Add half a chopped banana to the blender for each serving.
  • Cover the blender and blend until smooth. The consistency is similar to a thick smoothie; no ice chunks should remain.
  • Pour the drink into a tall glass, such as a hurricane glass. Garnish with whipped cream, chocolate syrup, a maraschino cherry, or a combination, as desired.